Archive for the ‘ life-averting media ’ Category

Definition of the Moment: eschatology

es·cha·tol·o·gy

[es-kuh-tol-uh-jee] noun

  1. any system of doctrines concerning last, or final, matters, asdeath, the Judgment, the future state, etc.
  2. the branch of theology dealing with such matters.

An Awful News Story

I’m not joking. It’s so awful, I’m only giving one sentence. From ABC News:

“An Army sergeant who served in Iraq for 15 months has been restricted to his Washington military base after being accused of waterboarding his 4-year-old daughter because she refused to recite her ABCs.”

Machine Translates Thoughts into Speech in Real-Time (and makes the future)

This is, and I quote, “the first successful demonstration of a permanently installed, wireless implant for real-time control of an external device.” So, holy shit. This is it. This is the future. This is transcendence from the prison of the corporeal; a thought based existence. This is the proclamation of the movie Naked:

(also sampled here, for the honking record). BMI – say it with me, BMI. Then, read the article and think out loud, I swear to gods. Get the fuck out of this physical bullshit, sleeping and pooping and getting cancers and breathing pollution; an existence of thought, freed through machines.

This is not some Francis E. Dec Esq. prattling, I assure you. This is cogent, clear thought (dressed up in my vernacular, but potent nonetheless). Think and be free, muthafuckas. Think and be free.

Afterthought: Like the clip from Naked says, an apocalypse-sized catalyst is the right magnitude to trigger/necessitate this change of form. Kind of like Noah’s ark, except instead of a boat, it’s the realm of thought, and instead of a gods’ rain, it’s global climate change (can’t blame the gods for this one). 00110010 00110000 00110001 00110010 00100000 01101101 01110101 01110100 01101000 01100001 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01100001 01110011

Soulcrushing?

Or… I couldn’t even write amusing. This is crushing. There is no question. Entirely deserving of life-aversion. And puzzling, when put into perspective. And sad. Oh my god – time to cruise the Tom Green oeuvre, to see if my former assertion as to the tenure of his comedic quality was founded or unfounded! (for the record, 7th grade me really got a kick out of the MTV program. a big kick!). two exclamation points

The Vile Evil Preacher

No jokes, this guy is a sickening sack of shit. I want his God to blow him up. Ka-boom! I would also accept a smite from the Savage God. Or head crushed by pineapple. Or cannibalized.

Poll: United States Still Largely Inhabite By Bozos

Actually, the poll was concerning American of varying political affiliations (R, D, I) and their enthusiasm/reticence towards seeing a truckload of “Palin 2012″ banners being posted in their tonwn come 2012, but I don’t like to mince words. Hai-ya!

From USA Today:

“When it comes to a potential presidential run, the USA TODAY Poll displays Palin’s strength in the Republican base and weakness among swing voters, who traditionally decide national elections. Republicans by 71%-27% say they’d be likely to vote for her if she ran for president in 2012, while independents by 51%-44% would not.”

As long as we’re talking about The Palinator, let’s step back in time and review some of her Greatest Hits.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Tour of an Atlanta Crack House

Still manages to be one of the grisliest drug-related videos I’ve ever seen (now, there’s some fucking truth).

Not for the easily etc.

Health Insurers Want You To Smoke!

It’s true! You think I’m lying? Then check this shit out.

Bla-damn! Scientific American! Two of my favorite things in the world. You think they’re lying? Huh, you pro-life anti-smoker? I should direct a Bill Hicks clip at you, just for salty vindication.

Spoiler Alert: Once again, you just have to follow the money. Big Tobacco. Big Medicine. Big Trouble! Boin-oin-oin-oing.

I also want to get that poster and put it in my room. It is sweet as hell.

“Cathy” is Still in Syndication

I find this fact to be shocking. 33 years. If you are thirty three years of age (or younger), I would like you to regard your own existence alongside Cathy’s. Does Cathy eclipse your meager life-time? Or are you and she equals, inconsequential titans in a constant struggle with That Darned Bikini!

From Wikipedia, which I have left hilariously un-abridged.

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“This article needs additional citations for verification.

Cathy is a comic strip drawn by Cathy Guisewite. Featuring a woman who struggles through the “four basic guilt groups” of life — food, love, mom, and work — the strip gently pokes fun at the lives and foibles of modern women. Cathy’s characteristics and issues both make fun of and sometimes feed into negative stereotypes about women. The strip debuted in November 1976, and currently appears in over 1,400 newspapers. The strips have been collected into more than 20 books. Guisewite received the National Cartoonists Society Reuben Award in 1992 for the strip[1].

Initially, the strip was based largely on Guisewite’s own life as a single woman. However, Guisewite had Cathy’s longtime boyfriend Irving propose marriage on Valentine’s Day 2004. The two characters married in the February 5, 2005 strip. That same year, Cathy appeared in the 75th anniversary party of Blondie and Dagwood.

The four basic guilt groups

Defined by Cathy Guisewite, the four basic guilt groups are four types of temptation that the character Cathy faces in her daily life.

Food

Cathy has a love/hate affair with food (especially carbs). She loves it, but hates what it does to her thighs. She is often shown in a department store fitting room trying to stuff herself into a bathing suit. She is constantly on a diet, weighs herself obsessively and many mornings fears to get up, believing that she has ballooned overnight, which she has. Cathy is particularly fond of chocolate, her mother’s cooking, and foods that inflate her on the spot.

Love

Cathy has dated extensively, but was unable to find “Mr. Right”. Although a number of love interests have come and gone over the years, none has come back like Irving, who is now her husband.

Mom

Although well-meaning, Mom’s advice often frustrates Cathy, whether or not Mom is right. Cathy and her mother are from two different generations, of course. Cathy grew up in the era of feminism, women’s rights and the sexual revolution. Mom is from an earlier, simpler time. Although an equal in her marriage to Cathy’s Dad, Mom holds many old-fashioned ideas.

Work

Cathy has to juggle many tasks at Product Testing, Inc. Her boss, Mr. Pinkley, often asks the impossible, and Cathy always seems to pull through in the end and give him and the client exactly what they want, albeit with quite a bit of drama.”

North Korea is a Terrible Place

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Escape From North Korea
via National Geographic

“Some 50,000 North Koreans, and possibly many more, are hiding in China, most in cities and villages along the remote 900-mile-long border between the two countries. Uncounted others have come for a few months and then slipped back to North Korea with food and money. Yet many stay on, unable or unwilling to return to their cruel homeland. They are left with two desperate choices: Keep hiding—often as prisoners of exploitative employers—or embark on the Asian underground railroad, a perilous journey by foot, vehicle, and train across China and Southeast Asia. Confronted with an obstacle course of checkpoints, informants, and treacherous terrain, numerous defec­tors have been caught. But aided by a small band of humanitarians and by smugglers charging $3,000 and up, some 15,000 have reached safe haven, most often in South Korea. There, traumatized and barely skilled, they face the most formidable challenge of all: starting over.”

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North Korea Perfects Its Diplomatic Game: Brinksmanship
via the New York Times

The collapse of the Communist bloc in the early 1990s left North Korea with few friends. Since then, North Korea, a dictatorship armed to the teeth but unable to feed its own people without foreign aid, has specialized in provoking the international community for survival.

Whenever it failed to get concessions in negotiations or there were changes of governments abroad, the North raised tensions, wangling an invitation to talks and extracting fresh aid while never giving up its trump card, its nuclear weapons program.”