Archive for the ‘ dumb idiots ’ Category

Creating Synthetic Life: Your Questions Answered (a roundtable)

First off, before any real inter-post discussion can begin, it needs to be stated that Paula Zahn is a blathering titmouse, a hideous non-formant who tows the expected line without fucking listening, because she cannot muster that matter of grey to respond in a thoughtful, thinking way. As the show progresses, you can almost see the violent fantasies projecting out of Jay Craig Venter’s science head, regarding Ms. Zahn and logic slapping.

Now: this is a meaty mother fucker. Watch this, please; I beg of you. It is so exciting, so full of possibilities, and (on the part of Mr. Venter and Mr. Specter), so refreshingly intellectually responsible. For me, it manages to transcend (!?) the topic of “creating life” to become a larger discussion on intellectual/creative responsibility, being so eloquently defended by those within from the unceasing unimaginative attacks from those without. For every time I want to scream at StupidEmptyHead Zahn or the Priest, “You’re harping on the same fears that would have prevented us from developing vaccines, dum-dums!” the scientists, the writers, the elevated scholars do the job for me (in whispered, polysyllabic tones). Beautiful all around.

Also, Science Channel is the motherfucking shit. I love it so much. I will miss it, when it’s gone (How Is This Made, I will continually ask myself).

Dumb Idiot tag applied here to ButtMouthandFace Zahn.

iPhone 4′s Signal Strength Drops If Touched

Totally, unequivocably hilarious. Did no one realize this in product testing? Is this media hype? Man, I have to say, after two years of categorically horrendous service, fuck the iPhone (or, more specifically, fuck AT&T). I’m getting a $25 a month Virgin Mobile unlimited text. Fuck $103 bills! Fuck them to hades!

Here’s an excerpt, from the prestigious Yahoo News:

“iPhone 4 users are reporting en masse that their new handsets suffer a significant loss of signal strength when the phone’s antenna is touched with bare skin. Unfortunately, it is pretty much impossible to use a caseless iPhone 4 without touching the antenna, because the steel band that runs around the entire outside of the case is the antenna. To avoid touching it you’d somehow have to pinch the front and back of the phone between two fingers.”

The Author Responds to a Question

Book: The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ

Author: Philip Pullman

BLOGUPDATE: Jimmy Kimmel tears up Smuckers McChinnyChuckles Live and In Person

Jay Leno Blows Goats. I Have Proof.

Jay Leno is, and always has been, a gutless fuck, a middling middle america panhandler, begging for laughs from tired routines as a hobo begs for money, not food (tortured metaphor on the starboard side!). Always hated this fuck. Not that any of them are shining examples of artistic consistency; Leno just exemplifies the soulless, corporate fuckery that exist in all [insert late night network media figure here].

Us: “The Mayans Say The World Is Ending!” Mayans: “Hey, Fuck You!”

A pretty terribly written article from the Associated Press (looks like the various banner ads and 1,000,000th visitor contests the AP put out for field reporters really came through, ZZZZZZING!), polling what “Real Mayans” think about all this 2012 hullabaloo. Mr. Mark Stevenson, the reporter, peppers the article with “Or is it!!??!?!” questions that keep the mind guessing. In summation, doesn’t probe much deeper than the subject line I wrote above. In fact, an impromptu recreation of said article; no need to even follow the link, save for humor reference!

Us: “The Mayans Say The World Is Ending!” Mayans: “Hey, Fuck You!”
An Associated Press article by Mark Stevenson

“Some people think the world will end in 2012.

Or will it!?

The mayans thought it would, or so the people who think it, the world, will end in 2012, think they would say.

But do mayans really think so?

“I live in immediate, tangible desperation, and you ask me these questions? You AP reporter? When will it rain?!!?!”

Astronomers also have a lot to think about this.

Or do they?

Westerners love blaming apocalypse on the Mayans, The End.”

Glen Beck Can’t Spell

Uggggggggggh that slows my brain waves down to a geriatric pulse. This man is on national television. He has multiple bestselling books. He has his own comedy tour. All this, with the cognitive prowess of a pre-teen. Outstanding.

Wait for it…

Waaaaait for it….

Poll: United States Still Largely Inhabite By Bozos

Actually, the poll was concerning American of varying political affiliations (R, D, I) and their enthusiasm/reticence towards seeing a truckload of “Palin 2012″ banners being posted in their tonwn come 2012, but I don’t like to mince words. Hai-ya!

From USA Today:

“When it comes to a potential presidential run, the USA TODAY Poll displays Palin’s strength in the Republican base and weakness among swing voters, who traditionally decide national elections. Republicans by 71%-27% say they’d be likely to vote for her if she ran for president in 2012, while independents by 51%-44% would not.”

As long as we’re talking about The Palinator, let’s step back in time and review some of her Greatest Hits.

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Megan Fox is a Horrible Ice Witch

With big titties and a Marilyn Monroe tattoo. The salmon shirt makes it.